When Things Fall Apart

I've been reading a book that is really touching my soul, WHEN THINGS FALL APART, by Buddist nun Pema Chodron. I've explored Buddism to some extent, through mediation and with a local Sangha. I don't know if it is the path for me, but I do find a soul connection with this woman, especially when watching her YouTube interviews. She was left by her second husband in her thirties, and the betrayal had a profound affect on her life, so much so that she was led soon after to become a Buddist nun. She talks about the idea of 'groundlessness,' and how she ultimately learned that if we lean into this condition, we find peace. I'm not explaining it as well as she does in her book, but I understand it completely.

When something terrible and unexpected happens, you realize that nothing can ever be permanent or 'safe' again, and it leaves you with a feeling of complete 'dis-ease.' My father had a heart attack a few years ago, and I think it left him with the same kind of feeling--you simply can not know if one day your heart will simply stop. Or perhaps the reality is, the only thing you CAN know is that one day your heart will stop. You just can't know which day it will be...the uncertainty, the groundlessness of that is terrifying. Yet we have no real choice but to go on, to continue walking the path of uncertainty, which in the end, will lead us to nothing less than death.

I have been feeling more 'calm' in my life, and yet, I also feel a great sadness. This world holds no real 'safety' or 'security.' That can only be found on a deeper level, by looking within and knowing there is a greater flow that holds us in its arms. The world will always hold great joy as well as great sorrow. I've written of this before, but one carves the way for the other. This makes me sad. I want to believe joy can last forever. Perhaps it can. But not in this world.