Finding Truth

I've long been fascinated with the idea 'what is truth?' and am trying to surrender to the fact that no matter how much we 'think' we know on this subject, the truth is, as human beings, we know nothing. It's so complicated, and I suppose one could drive oneself insane trying to figure it out. Why does someone simply stop loving another person, and is there anything that could have been done to prevent such a thing from happening? Who knows? Why are we so divided in our religious beliefs that people are still killing each other because they believe their 'truth' is the only 'truth?' Why can't we understand and accept each other as we are, on all levels?

I love the character Geoff Rush plays in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE. Whenever he's asked a question to which the answer is 'unknowable,' he replies simply, 'It's a mystery!' How many mysteries make up our world...our lives... Mysteries that while we all might like to think we understand and know the answers to, none of us truly do.

I can come up with many answers to why my husband quit loving and left me. The truth is only he can know the real answer, and maybe even he isn't sure. It's a mystery. It could change, but probably it won't, because once someone has made a choice, they tend to stand beside it, even in the face of knowing it may have been the wrong choice... I suppose that's why I'm reluctant to make choices any more...so many of my own may have been wrong...

I have been swapping religious banter with a friend of mine who's a minister. His views about 'truth' are very different from mine, and I find myself feeling I need to defend where I'm coming from, in the face of all that conservatism has to say about religion. But the 'truth' is that I don't have to defend anything. I only have to live the life I believe God wants me to live. Believe me, if God came to me in a burning bush and told me to do something specific, I believe I would try to honor that--but so far, no burning bush. The only things I've heard from God this week are the following instructions:

--Write the book
--Give yourself permission to live a new life
--Take back your heart and soul

That all seems pretty clear. Even so, these instructions aren't any easier to follow for me than asking for a human sacrifice would be... What is truth? Where does God want me to go? I only know this moment, and all I can hear is my heartbeat. Sometimes all I can hear is the silent scream inside. Truth bids me follow the moment...because the truth is, the moment is all there is.