Returning

Is it possible...little by little, step by step, day by day, I am finding my way back to me? I'm afraid to believe, and yet I feel something has shifted, ever so slightly, and maybe I will be able to go on... But even though today that feels true, I hold back, because it seems like every time I allow myself to think I might be letting go, I slip back into the 'dark place,' and wonder once again if I will ever find my way out? But the last time that happened, not only was I sad, I was SO very angry. I took my plastic baseball bat and I beat a picture the bat up again yesterday, and I couldn't believe it had actually bent, because it didn't seem to have any further inclination to do so. Could I have been that mad? Could my anger have set something free? I've been angry before, but I'm never taken it out on anything physical, like a photo or an object...It was my favorite photo, too, so maybe, just maybe, I truly did let something go... I only know I've felt lighter ever since, and a part of me doesn't seem to care about what happens any more. I'm allowing my life to simply 'be,' and it feels good.

Today I've gotten to play hostess to a bridal shower, and it's wonderful when the house is filled with people celebrating a special event--this is what the house loves to do, and I love to have the chance to share it under such circumstances. Perhaps it's what I am meant to do as well. Certainly it's what I'm meant to do on this day... I honestly believe this is how Mary and Charlotte carried on after their beloveds had gone. They shared this house--they shared its joys and its sorrows, and in the sharing they managed to find life again. I hope it will be the same with me, but God willing, I would like to find love again as well.