Dreams of Destruction

I have been following my dreams very closely for the past few weeks. I'm finding it more and more fascinating how the psyche works things out through dreaming. Lately I'm not sure if things are really being worked out, or if the issues are just making themselves known. For instance, last night I dreamed (and I can't always remember all of them, but you'll get the gist...) that I was moving and some of the things from my 'old' house were being destroyed. Two large old Victorian-type trunks were 'bulldozed' completely into pieces, and as I watched it happening, I realized I had no idea if any of the valuables had been removed from the trunks. As a result, I managed to salvage two other trunks--another old Victorian, and the other a wooden--get this--hope chest. I didn't need to open them--I knew I would do that when the time was right, but that they would be items I would want to keep for my 'house.'

The next piece of the dream was my moving into a 'single' room, a small room with only a bed. I wanted to place a writing desk between two windows in the room, but I realized sadly the desk I wanted had been lost to me many years ago. It was something from my childhood that I hadn't brought with me through the years. But somehow I knew the right 'desk' would present itself in time. The room felt comfortable, but sadly empty.

Finally, the last part, showed me a woman who had once been my 'best friend.' She had given birth to a child, much to my surprise, as I'd never known she was pregnant. We were discussing the house where she had once lived, and I saw the place in my mind, but now it was an ugly mowed down vacant lot--the house had been completely destroyed.

I see the symbols and the pieces of my life in this dream: Everything I loved has been 'bulldozed' yet I managed to save a 'hope' chest; a single room for a single person; windows to see a new world; loss of my writing but 'hope' it will return; a best friend with a secret child; the friendship mowed down with only an ugly vacant place left. The images left me feeling sad, empty, frustrated, alone, and yet, by day's light, a bit lighter than I had felt before. Perhaps little by little, this is God taking back the emotions and the pain of loss, promising to replace them when the time is right, letting me know there's still 'hope.'

The excavation of the self is fascinating work.