What To Do

People say you don't have to decide, live in the moment, breathe. All good advice, I know, but not easy. How hard it is to make peace with pain! How do you make choices, move on, let go, when essentially you are still faced with the 'problem' on a regular basis? It's something I'm having to seriously consider... Am I taking on too much, trying to stay here and be 'strong' when I'm the one feeling all the pain? Perhaps it's time for him to step in and take things over for a while? Yes, that would be letting go too--letting go of worry that something will go wrong, that only I care enough about the house and the business to keep them on track. So what if he doesn't? If I have to take a 'time out' to save my sanity, then perhaps that is the right thing to do...

Every time I go away, I feel stronger, but when I return, I feel oppressed. I love the house; I love the business; I love the simplicity of my life here--but the emotions take over at the slightest thing. There are so many memories, too few opportunities, too few friends or family, too much alone time, too little relief. Is it right for me to stay with it, or give myself an extended break, or even a complete break? What would happen if I gave myself permission to do that?

I leave on Sunday for 10 days on Sanibel Island, and he will be here, taking care of things. Perhaps I'll feel differently when I return. I don't want to make rash decisions, and I don't want to dump everything on him. But perhaps it is truly time I started asking myself what will it take for ME to feel better. Perhaps it is past time....