So Alone...

I know that in a spiritual sense I am never really alone, and I know how to be 'alone' when I am...most of the time. For the past couple of days though, I've felt so isolated from the 'real world'--from things to do, people to hang out with, new places to see. Or perhaps it's not that at all--perhaps it's just coming back to this big empty house. Perhaps it's that I still miss my friend, even though I know my friend isn't my friend anymore. How do I get that through my head? Especially when he still lives up the street and we still have to deal with the house together--but we can't do it as friends--we can only talk when we have 'business' to deal with. And while I know he's done some terrible things where I am concerned, I just don't operate from a place of anger. There are so many times when, truthfully, I just want to know what is going on in his life. Maybe it isn't any of my business anymore, but it was my business for nearly 15 years, and how does one just erase all that? He seems to have done it, but I'm not finding it so easy.

The 'narcissist' material says they only see the 'other' as an 'object.' So when they cast you aside, it's like trading in an old car--you wouldn't want to stay 'connected' to it, now would you? He is getting all his 'supply' from others now, and according to what I've read, he only sees someone would who still care about him as 'pathetic.' Sometimes I fall into a trap of seeing myself that way, and then I remember there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving and trusting someone, and when they don't turn out to be who you thought they were, it's bound to take some time to work through the grief. That's all I'm doing, working through the grief...

In the meantime, I am trying to stay focused on the work in front of me. I'm trying to move ahead with selling the B&B, but at the same time I'm putting up new packages to try and bring in different kinds of business. I put up a Divorce Recovery Retreat and I'll be interested to see if that pans out at all. Nothing else has turned up on the 'work' horizon, so I might as well try to drum up some extra income here. I'm just trying to be open to whatever the Universe might bring. But at the same time, I'm trying to move forward. I'm not supposed to say it is hard, but today it feels hard. Maybe what I need to say is that while it IS hard, I know I am up to the challenge, and I plan to keep putting every effort into the journey, no matter how hard it may feel at times. Yes, that's a better way to say it. Like it or not, it appears being alone is part of the path.