Framing the Past

I had lunch with my 'ex' today, at his invitation. We've agreed to go on Monday to the counselor we saw previously, to discuss some issues regarding how to deal with the B&B. I'm sure it's very similar to having children, but it this case maybe even worse, because it's forced us to work together to keep things going until we decide what to do with it. And I, for one, am still very uncertain about that. I honestly believe I'm supposed to 'let life happen' and not try to force events one way or another. What that tells me is that if a buyer is supposed to appear, that person or persons will appear. Now, whether or not that means I need to do more to make the place available, I don't know; I'm waiting for that 'message' to be revealed. I know that he wants to sell and move on, but when I ask what that means for him, he doesn't know. I also know that he doesn't see moving on being in any direction with me, and while that still hurts, I'm learning to accept it.

But at lunch today, we talked a bit about how people re-frame their past. In his case and my case with our childhoods, we remember most of it in a negative way. While I'm sure there was good, we're more in touch with the pain we experienced. With the relationship, I have pretty much always framed it in a positive way, while he frames it as more negative. I can't change this, and I know the Truth is really somewhere in the middle. What I wish for us, that we could both be healed and find our way back to one another, may not even be possible. When the house is finally sold, more than likely I will 'move on,' and what he does remains to be seen. I know that 'moving on' more than likely means chances are slim I will ever even see him again, with probably little or no communication. I have seen this happen in his past relationships, and I can't see why he would want ours to be any different. But with all my heart I wish this wouldn't be the case. I wish that a dream or a vision or something from Above could come to him and help him to re-frame it all in a more loving light. There's no way to know if that will happen, and I suspect the chances aren't leaning in my favor right now.

But I choose to frame our relationship, still, in a positive light. No matter what he did or will do, I know it comes from his past and his ability or inability choose the path of love. And I'm sincerely hoping I can learn to re-frame the rest of my past in a loving light as well. I'm ready to claim my good in life. I'm open to it and ready for it. I'm willing to sell this house, if that's what it means; or I'm ready to stay, if that's what it means. I'm ready to love, but if need be, I'm prepared to be alone. I'm ready for whatever is to come, but my fervent wish is that it might be good. I'm ready for the Blessing. Now if I can just find the patience to wait.