Sitting With It

This is NOT easy. This is NOT fun. This is NOT what I want to be doing when I'm unhappy. This is what it takes to get happy.

I'm not saying this because I've completely grasped this concept and swear by it. I'm saying it because when I convince my ego to shut up long enough to do it, it works. Yes, it IS painful. Yes, I usually DO cry. Yes, my ego reminds me every other second I could get up and do something else, something less painful, something more painful -- it doesn't care what, it just wants to be in control. Sometimes I manage to (literally!) sit it out.

I've just come out of a lonely weekend. It wasn't lonely in the sense that I didn't see anyone all weekend, but in the sense that right now I'm trying to learn I don't need someone to dump all my troubles on even though that's exactly what I think I need. I'm really trying to sit with them and see what happens. What I've decided so far is that I really don't like it. ;)

But that's what I'm doing. Right this very moment, before and after I write this, I'll be sitting with my troubles. It won't be forever, just for now. Tonight I have my support group, and then I'll have a chance to share. I'm meeting a friend for dinner, so I'll have companionship. I'm going to explore EMDR with a counselor, so I'll have therapy. Everything I need is right on my path today, so just because I'm a bit down, or alone, or sad, or hurt, right now it's ok to just be with those feelings. Or better yet, open a Dove chocolate and be with that. And sitting with a chocolate isn't so bad after all!