Getting Through the Lonely Days

Ok, I'm not sure I have any real answer to this one...it's tough, no doubt about it. Especially living in a small town with no family nearby and only a handful of friends. Since I work at home, both with the B&B and my freelance, I also spend a LOT of time alone. Some days, I'm really good with this. I actually like being alone, for the most part, but there is such a thing as 'too much aloneness.'

Sundays are the hardest. I normally can't get to church because by the time my guests leave, I'm exhausted. Sometimes I go to a contemporary service in the evening, but sometimes after the weekend, I just need some down time. See, I work 7 days a week, not just the normal 5. Sunday was the day I liked just lounging around the house with my hubby, or if we were in the mood, we'd take a drive somewhere. Now, I mostly lounge, but the conversation is pretty nil with only my cats for company.

Still, I'm working hard to get used to living a solitary life, and I re-found an author who's really helping me accomplish that goal. Her name is May Sarton and she was a poet, novelist, and journaler, who died in the late 90s. I had read many of her books a while back, especially the journals, but now I'm finding them particularly useful in adapting to my new life of solitude. It's not that solitude is a bad thing -- I have plenty to do -- housework, writing, work work, laundry, gardening, the list goes on and one. When I'm at a good place and I just do my work, I actually feel pretty 'content' at the end of the day. Today has been one of those days.

But I do wonder when I'll stop missing the companionship, sharing the things that happened with my husband, laughing, cooking, living together. I still miss all that desperately. He says he doesn't miss it; that his life alone is 'content.' I can't help but wonder how long that will last, or would even be relevant if his life were as solitary as mine? He's with people all day long, so spending evenings alone probably isn't much of a big deal. But at the end of my work day, I find it draining to always be 'going out.' I'm just not that much of an activity person, and while I do push myself not to spend too much time by myself, alone is where I'm at my best. Reading May Sarton's journals has helped me realize alone can also be a good life, if that's the life the Universe is bringing. For now, such seems to be my lot. Funny, even in her book, she says we must learn how not to be the 'driver' but to simply 'let go.' Different words, same message...might as well befriend my solitude yet be open to life bringing a companion back when the time is right. Till then....