Sunshine

I'm at an interesting place at the moment. Feeling better, not sure if I'm just on an upslide again, or if it's due to being more 'at peace' lately in relating to the 'ex.' I wasn't a few days ago, and I think it's partly because he's very inconsistent about his interactions with me and the B&B. I try to remember to tell myself he can do what he wants to because he's 'single' now, but sometimes the responsibilities of this house feel overwhelming, and I hate to call him because that would be intruding on his 'space,' but then I start feeling resentful. It's a cycle that comes up again and again, so at least we agreed to go speak with 'our' counselor on Monday and try to get some objective feedback about how to handle things for now. I know eventually I will need to sell the house, but I'm really trying to turn that over to the Universe. One thing I've learned is that I haven't done real well 'steering my own ship.' So, for now, I wait for guidance.

But today is a sunny day, inside and out, yet the 'sunshine' in this title actually refers to a movie I watched last night. It's futuristic, the sun is dying, and Earth lives another glacial period. After the failure of the Icarus Mission, a team of eight astronauts are sent to the sun in the Icarus II Mission to explode a weapon generating a supernova within the sun in the last hope of planet Earth. Essentially they plan to 'jump start' the dying Sun into a new star. It's very reminiscent of 2001 and beautifully shot, but I thought the film could have gone deeper into some 'spiritual' issues. Part of it led back to the whole idea of whether or not God should be the only 'creator?' People so often try to take that on themselves, often with disastrous results. (Such as my steering my ship.) I think we need to learn to view ourselves as 'co-creators,' and when we forget to go with the flow of the Universe, God, Source, etc. etc., then it's likely we're going the wrong way.

The end of the film was lovely because even though there was 'death' for the physical, the aspect of dying within the birth of a star was amazing. What is death really, but rejoining your energy with that of the Universe? What would it be like to die -- and be born -- in the midst of the creation of a star? Maybe that's what happens when we die; maybe that's what all the stars in the sky really are, life after death, watching, guiding, protecting. There could be a million answers to the mystery. The one I believe is this -- there really IS eternal life. Somehow leaving 'form' to become a part of everything doesn't seem so bad...

*SideNote: Michael Jackson died yesterday, at 50 years of age, cause yet to be determined. While I wasn't a huge fan, I did respect his music, if not always the choices he made in his life. But as I listened to a song of his on the radio today, I realized none of that matters now. All will be forgiven, and mostly forgotten. He is a legend now. He is at peace, and he IS a part of everything that is. Go with God, Michael. (And you as well, Farrah Fawcett, Texas sister, who died the same day.)