I Did It!

I finished putting up new wallpaper in my bathroom today! It's not perfect, but it's my first attempt and for that, I think it's pretty darn good. I did it ALL by myself, no help from anyone. I got on the ladder and did the high spots and didn't even have to call a friend! I'm proud of my work today. Now I just have to finish getting the room cleared out and 'clean' for a guest can use it next weekend, due to a double booking for Alumni Weekend. Luckily I have my futon/TV room as a 'spare.'

One thing I learned about putting up wallpaper--it pretty much takes up all one's mental activity. I didn't have time to think about much of anything else. But I did. 'He' is on a trip this weekend to visit his son and see his new 'grandchild.' I know it's sounds crazy, because I'm not really a 'baby' person, but maybe Evangeline is. Maybe the fact that this baby is connected to 'him' actually means something. I'm not sure if it does to him or not, but it does to me. I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short, but maybe not. Maybe I'm just accepting that I may never have a grandchild of my own, and this one would have been 'ours.' It's okay to grieve not getting to share that. Maybe it is Electra's grief, but it's mine too...I'm going to accept it, but I'm not going to live in it.

I am proud of the way I am dealing with life lately. Yes, there are still sad and lonely feelings, but I am holding them along with the good. I am taking care of 'my house.' It seems that's all I can really do right now, and I'm doing it. Like Laura Munson talks about in This is Not the Story You Think It Is, I am learning to be responsible for myself and my own happiness. Maybe I'm not particularly happy right now, but I'm handling it. Praise Be!