Who Am I--Maybe Just Batty

I'm torn today as to whether I should write on the 'mourning' blog or this one. I feel like I'm in deep mourning right now, but I'm also pleased that I've survived the weekend and today by staying active, working on the house, pulling myself back to the moment when I start to slip away. I honestly can't say what exactly the problem is, unless it has to do with the fact that 'he' is planning to move to be closer to 'her' soon, and there is sadness at yet another finalization of our relationship. And there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening; I just have to keep moving forward, as best I can, and some days my best is little more than a limp. At least I'm limping. (Ok, I'm really starting to sound like Electra here...)

Evangeline is beginning to move toward the idea of selling the house. I mean, really putting it on the market. In fact, a realtor friend will be here shortly. I'm not sure why, and probably I will wait till after Spring, so things won't be so busy with guests, but it feels like it is time for me to begin the process of letting it go. Maybe that is part of the heartache, too. (Ok, I am really starting to wonder why Electra isn't writing all this?!!)

Let's see if I can come up with a better story. I had a really cool experience last night. I was sitting at my desk working, and I heard some banging outside my window. I have resident bats in my shutters, and lately I've heard a lot of 'chipping' which I assume are babies, since I hear them in the daytime. But last night, when I heard the banging, I peeked behind the window shade, and the bats were in the process of launching! It was really exciting to see their wingspread and watch them flap into the dusky sky. I love my bats. Hmmm....I wonder what bats symbolize...I'll find out and be right back...Ok, this is amazing--rebirth, illusion, dreams, intuition, journeying, inner depth--my black hole! Follow this link for more!!

The irony is, I had just been telling my coach that I feel like I'm in a black hole and I can't find my way out. Yet according to the animal symbolism, although bats live in the 'dark,' they are very sensitive and have keen powers of intuition. Perhaps this is why I'm in the black hole, to develop my own power to see through 'illusion' as the bats can, so that I never again put myself in a situation like the one from which I've just emerged. Like the bat, I am waiting to be 'reborn.' And while I assumed my rebirth would come at daybreak, it will actually begin with the dark night.

Fascinating. Now THAT'S an Evangeline message!